Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
