you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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