the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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