im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
