So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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