come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
