You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I have tasted many bathrooms
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
