I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
