trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
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you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
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My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize