WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
