nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
