Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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