Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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