The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Please don't give away my fajitas
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
