someone get that fucking seahorse.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
