His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
