Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
