They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
