Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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