I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
