Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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