That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
