You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
