I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
