if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize