LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
