i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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