They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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