my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
