I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
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