she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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