I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
