i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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