no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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