Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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