i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
