Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
