he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
In America we eat man semen.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
