margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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