he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
