Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
