He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
