my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
