i love accidental penises.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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