Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
