why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
