i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
