I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
