A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
