Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
