they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
