yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
