It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
