so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
