Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
