I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
