North Korea, Best Korea!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
