At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
