You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times