Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He passed out mid-signature
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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