Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.