So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
cat food counts as protein by the way
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thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
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Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
third nipple confirmed
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!