how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
