the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you win again, gameday.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
