I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
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fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
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I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up