fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
