Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
