Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
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