So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
