The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
