I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
