one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
