Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize