A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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