Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Randomize
