Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
