he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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