I got chris browned last night
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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