I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
