remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
