So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
