you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
