I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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