Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
