You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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