return my video game
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
