The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
